The JC3

2006-06-15T04:53:00.000-07:00

To my friends,
As you all have known for quite some time I have been going thru alot of changes recently. In the past year I have had the pleasure of being gifted with a wonderful son, given to me by a wonderful woman.
I have done some things that have been not so smart...not so right. My life is what it is and I have come to terms with that. Things have been found as well as lost.
I want all of you to know, especially you M, that all will be ok. Leo is a wonderfully happy, smart, loving boy and that will never change. Myself and his mother are both wonderful people who have grown apart sadly. I regret things that have happened. Ways they happened. Outcomes. The mistrust and unhappiness. But always know M that I have always and will always know you as a kind person with a gentle heart as well as a wonderful mother.
For quite a while now we have both known that things would someday change. And sadly we both agree that that time is here. We have decided to go our seperate ways for our own sake, with Leo's wellfare being the only concern now and forever. We both agree that the three of us will be ok. And in the end we will all be better people for it, finding truer happiness in other paths of life while always remaining friends and loving parents to a wonderful son.

It's with much sadness that I inform you, my friends...the people who I talk to every day, that this is my final post. The world of writing my thoughts, my fears, my happiness, my sadness has come to an end. The road I'm going to walk is one that must be done alone.

M and I met at work and cultivated a wonderful relationship here. And I admit to taking things here too far as well. For that I am sorry. Having to say goodbye is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do here. It's been a wonderful and sometimes painful ride.

I will keep in touch with you, my friends. And maybe someday I'll even write again. For now if you wish you will be able to read about Leo and his stories of Mom and Pops. Let me know if you need the address.

I don't want anyone to be sad. Especially you M. There is no failure here. There is no horrible ending. It's just a beginning... a fresh start on a new path. One filled with a brighter future and happier times.

I love you. All of you. And I thank you. Especially you M. For all the smiles that I've had.

Love,

Jamie

2006-06-13T12:53:00.000-07:00

" Pops. Can I have a doggy?"

" Sure Leo... you can have a doggy. What kind?"

" A big one. I want a big dog, Pops."

" Hmmm.. How big?"

" Big as you Pops!"

" Ok Leo. We'll get you a doggy as big as me."

"Thanks Pops!"

" Anytime Leo...anytime."

2006-06-05T12:36:00.000-07:00

I needed some light...and I went and gots me some.
Thanks, you.

2006-06-01T10:57:00.000-07:00

A big world.

As I started to walk into the bedroom on the 2nd floor I stopped as to try to not disturb the beautiful scene I was witnessing. I was trying to be quiet enough so that maybe he couldn't hear me standing there.
Without turning around to see who was there he said " It's a big world, huh Pops?"

" Yes Leo...It is." I said quietly.

"Am I going to be ok?"

" Yes Leo...You are."

" But I don't know what to do."

" Everything Leo.... Do everything."

" Will I get hurt out there Pops?"

" Yes Leo... You will."

" Will I be happy?"

" Yes Leo...You will be happy. And the hurt wont matter."

Still without turning around he said " But Pops, I can't even walk yet."

" You will Leo. You will. And you'll run and jump and dance."

" How do you know, Pops?"

" I just know, Leo...I just know."

And I walked to the window and sat on the floor beside him as we both looked out the window in pause.

"Wats'dis?"

" That's a bird Leo...that's a bird."

2006-05-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

So a nice weekend was had. I spent saturday with my boy and we had a blast. I took him shopping at SuperTarget and Toys R Us. Ya see...it's the Toys R Us thing that was way cool. I can remember my birthdays as a small boy when my grandmother would take us to 3 very special places: Russell's B-B-Q , Kiddie land and either Kiddie Kingdom ( a HUGE castle looking toy store with a friggin mote out front) OR Toys R Us. Now here's the cool part. "pick out one thing that you want." How about THAT! I was like friggin Peter Brady after he saved that chick from certain death in the toy store and then went crazy with his "reward". ( You either get that Dennis Miller-esque joke or ya don't).
So..anyway.. that's what I did. The boys birthday was last week and I figured that since we were going there for a tree swing anyway, I'd throw down with some " pick out TWO things that you want."
Sure...he's only 1. But the kids got it going on upstairs WAY more than I did (do). I mean, for christs sake he started asking questions when he was like 10 months old, "Wats dis? Whos dat?"
Ok..on to the part where he not only LOOKS like me but ACTS like me. So we're in Toys R Us and the object was for him to grab two things that he really wanted. I don't need to tell you what theinside of that place is like. Total sensory overload. Shit EVERYWHERE! A gazzilion toys. Fuckin lights and shit hanging all over. Kids runnin' up and down the aisles! But..check this out.. boy stays calm. Boy doesn't give in to the pressures of KiddieVegas. He sums up the situation...waits til just the right time after seeing like 30,000 friggin toys and HAS.TO.HAVE...that 3 foot long foam sword! YES!!!!! He IS my son! He IS!!! Now I have NO doubt!!
Ok..ok..so he's got his very own katana now. We keep going thru aisle after aisle of whatever and as we're strolling next to one of those certer aisle thingys that hold a bunch of balls he goes "wats dis?!...DA DA!! Wats dis???!!!" reaches out for another one of my favorires! Yes, people..you know it..you love it.. you played with it as a youth and probably had some damn good games on the school playground with it...the kickball! You know the one. The kind that makes that perfect "POINK!" sound when you leveled someone with it during gym class dodgeball tournaments. Man, those things were the best. And to top it off..he wanted the yellow one. My favorite color, I might ad.
So..let's sum this up. My son now has a swing tied to a tree ( old school) which he loves, a yellow playground kick ball, and a 3 foot long foam sword.
Nintendo....take a memo. Fuck you.

Next I'm getting him some Silly Putty, A whoopie cushion and some Elmers Glue to take the dirt off of his hands. Ya know..dirt..that stuff that gets on ya when you make mud pies. Yeah..that's right. Mud pies are a'comin'.